Parenthood an obligation or a Choice?
Success for me its to raise happy, healthy human beings ~ Kelly LeBrock
The most beautiful thing in this world is the birth of a new soul. A new heart starts to beat inside a mother’s womb. It is a miracle which turns us the ordinary human beings into a creator. A woman has this most miraculous gift to produce life on this planet. Like any other woman, I always wanted to become a mother. I wanted to feel the marvel of God living inside me. I wanted to hear another heart beating inside my body. It was my lifelong dream.
One of my colleagues told me once about his very career-oriented daughter. He told me that his daughter doesn’t want to produce children. These words were a big shock to me because I have lived in a society where bringing children in this world is an obligation and not being able to produce them is a curse. I asked him, but how? How can she don’t want to have children? It is the benediction which only a woman can have. At that time, it was not easy for me to digest his daughter thoughts.
In this country, we are all in a race to find a good husband and start a family. We don’t plan children we produce them haphazardly. I am not a mother; I don’t have any child experience, but I have life experience, and I have seen many distorted beings in my life. Whenever I searched a reason behind their disjointed personalities, it was always a family. Mostly a shattered family.
“They should love you, just as you are. Parents should love their kids, right?”
“You’d think so.”
Two people start a family, and after a few decades, it creates a society. Today I have reached at a point where I want to tell everyone that every one of us cannot be a good parent. I can now understand the choice of my colleague’s daughter. By good, I don’t mean perfect because perfection doesn’t exist. By not so good, I mean horrible. Some of us don’t deserve to be a parent, and that is fine. Everyone can’t be everything. It’s okay if you’re not capable of being a parent. If you understand this fact and don’t produce them, it’s far better than bringing your children into this world and abandoning them.
Dear parents, who wonder why their kids never talk to them…
Think about what you were saying when they used to talk to you. Ponder about your choice of words and tone. Think about why they tried to come to you and why they don’t anymore. When you shut them out, belittle them, and blame them for all of their problems, you will lose them. And that will be permanent. ~ Unknown
I have seen the elder ladies of my family telling the married ones to produce children without giving a gap to complete a family. Because in this way the children will all get grown up together. I was a middle child, so I knew how it is like when you get no attention at all. So, I use to preach the fact that there should be a gap between children to give full attention to one and then producing another to avoid the jealousy between children and to make them a complete human. But my mother always laughed at my idea. She always said; So, that one is going to the school, and the other one is heading toward the university.
But I think its better than producing a child with mental illnesses, insecurities, trust issues, and other problems. I don’t say that children who have less age gap always have problems. But the majority of them have complications because the elder one is too young to accept the newborn and share the parents, and the younger one needs time and attention to understand the world. Either one of them is deprived of his/her needs, or they both get 50 50.
Poor parenting may be reflected in poor sibling relationships ~ Robert J. Waldinger
But we don’t care about these things we only think that it’s a necessity to bring children in this world. We don’t evaluate ourselves that either we are capable of this big responsibility or not. Either we can create a family that loves each other, respect each other, and give love to this world or not. And when we produce children without thinking anything, then we give birth to children who are different from us, and we abandon them. We leave them on the mercy of their destinies because we don’t have the guts to fight for them.
Parents think we have just produced them, and we gave them everything, we did everything for them so now they should do whatever we want. We don’t realize that a child has never asked us to bring him/her in this world. It was our choice. So now we should take responsibility for his/her happiness. We should be able to leave the world for them, for their joy because we decided to bring them into this cruel world.
“If mental abuse were a punishable crime, a lot of parents would be in jail serving a long term.”
I want to tell all my readers, please plan a child and don’t just deliver them. And when you’re expecting a child keep these things in your mind. Your child can be a completely different human from you. He/she can have completely different thoughts and beliefs from you. The child can be a physically challenged human, an LGBT, a drug addict anything. Your child can produce poor grades. Your child can be a killer or a thief. You have to ask yourself; do I have the courage to deal with this new human being, and can I fight the world for him/her? Can I make this coming being a good human? If you can’t handle the mess, don’t produce them.
The world is already full of zillions of humans who are praying for their deaths. These humans are shattered, not because they don’t dare to face the world. But because they don’t have the guts to face their families. We, humans, are social animals who need conformity. When people have their families backing them, they can move the mountains. But if you have everything but not a family who can understand your problems and can fight for your happiness, a part of you will always remain empty. No matter you become whatsoever, there will forever remain a vacant space.
You have to support your children to have a healthy relationship ~ Connie Sellecca
Nothing is more crucial in this world more than a human’s happiness. Because a sad being can turn this world into hell and a joyous one can reflect joy into the world. So I have given up my dream of carrying a child without thinking about it that either I am capable of it or not. I will plan my child, and I won’t just produce him/her because of the myth that parenthood is an obligation.
If we all feel the same and plan our children, we can create this world full of humans who are happy and confident in their lives. Fight for your children’s happiness because you have decided to bring them on Earth. Don’t leave them on the mercy of their destinies. Let them live their own lives. Let them make their own mistakes. Because in this way no matter they make a good or bad decision for themselves they will be satisfied because it will be their choice.
Don’t control the life of your children.
Teach them the good and evil paths and then leave them to chose for themselves. We all get only one life so we should be allowed to live it in a way that we think is good for us. Don’t fight your children for the choices they want to make in their lives but combat the world for their decisions. If its wrong for them they will learn a lesson and they can create a new choice. It’s okay to make the wrong choices. They make you learn and help you in your growth.
And if it’s the right decision, then they will become happiest. But if you control your children’s lives, they will live a life with regrets. Even if they have everything in life, there will always remain a regret for things that they wanted to have. The burden of regrets doesn’t let people live a happy and contented life. These unhappy individuals bring negativity to this world too.
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men ~ Frederick Douglass
You can change your child’s destiny and this world’s destiny. Nobody is good or bad. Time makes evil human beings. Fight for your children’s good time. And if you are doing all of this, do it unconditionally. Think before having a child that either you can make unconditional sacrifices for your child or not. If you are not able to do it and you have to brag about what you have done for them. Then ask yourselves before having them! Do they ask for it? Did they ask to bring them into this world, or was it your choice?
If it was your choice, then whatever you did was your responsibility. Love your children and choose your children over society. In the end, society won’t help you but your children will. Hence parenthood is a choice, not an obligation. Chose it if you can do it. A happy family will help you to live happily. Society will always remain vicious. So, chose with wisdom. Create a happy family.